Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom
by The Angry American
Summary: A collection of tidbits featuring the hunky Nick Mallory and what's on his mind when it comes to the tough issues. From Glee to Justin Bieber and from politics to the birds and the bees, Nick Mallory will cover it all! May be a little OOC.
1. Ch 1: The Introduction

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

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**Chapter 1: The Introduction**

Right around the backyard of a certain Nick Mallory came yours truly. He looked killer in his snazzy red jacket, along with his perfect brown hair shining through the sky. He was standing in front of a brown fence with the sign that said 'Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom" with perfect lettering attached to it.

"Hey fans, Nick Mallory here. I want to welcome you to my little tidbit hour." Nick greeted to the camera, "It's a show where Nick Mallory thinks what he's thinking, and what opinion he's got on the topic. Nick Mallory will talk about scooters, footballs, steaks, the economy, everything in between. Whatever Nick Mallory thinks, he says..."

Meanwhile, while Nick was still talking to the camera, Trina Riffin **(Corey's sister)** managed to reach for the fence and shout at Nick far away. Her best friend/sidekick Mina appeared alongside her.

"NICK! NICK! CAN I BE IN YOUR SHOW!?" Trina shouted.

"Can't you ask him politely to be in his show instead? I mean, that sounds nicer than having to shout incoherently." Mina stepped in.

"Your opinions mean poop, Mina! Now off out of here, you ain't even in this story!" Trina snapped.

"You never let me do anything fun..." Mina sadly stated while she walked away from Trina.

"That's what I do, don't wear it out..." Trina muttered to herself while he used the rest of her strength to reach her body halfway the brown fence. Struggling to keep her balance, Trina shouted out to Nick quickly, "Hunky Nick Mallory, help me up! I wanna be on your shooooooow!"

While Trina was desperately trying to grab Nick's attention **(which he didn't notice)**, a junkyard dog from out of nowhere eyed Trina like a piece of meat. Not even bother looking at the road, the dog crossed the street while he locked Trina in as the target.

"Nick! Let me be on your little tidbit show! I promise I can do stu-" Trina said right before she was cut off by a disturbing sound.

_"GRRRRRRRRRRRRR..."_

With her heart sank, Trina looked behind her lower feet...

...and saw that a junkyard dog infested with rabies was standing near her. Scared out of her panties, Trina tried to silence the crazed dog the best that she could.

"Uhhhh... good dog. Nice not-very-freaky dog!" Trina replied, smiling with fear. But there was nothing stopping the dog from unleashing it's full fury on Trina.

_"RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" _The dog growled. Who knew a dog could growl like such an ogre?

Knowing that she couldn't get to Nick in time, Trina knew only one thing to do...

...

...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Trina screamed as she started running for her life. The dog was right on her tail while chasing her for a good block or so. While she was running, Nick still kept on talking.

"...Plus, I'll let you rub Nick Mallory's hair for the fun of it. I wish I could talk more, but I'll have to stop here..." Nick said with a sigh, "So make sure you come back after the break so that Nick Mallory will come to his first topic on his mind. Until then, Nick Mallory says 'stay tuned'."

After Nick winked to the camera deciding to close out on break, a running Trina was still waving up and down so that Nick could finally get her attention.

"Nick! Help me up! I don't want to be a slobbery smelly dog toy!" She screamed incoherently before the static was turned off on her for the time being.

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**Hmmmm, what shall be on Nick Mallory's mind come next chapter? Make sure you stay tuned for next chap. Until then, R&R.**


	2. Ch 2: Nick Mallory on Corey Riffin

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

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**Chapter 2: Nick Mallory on Corey Riffin  
**

Nick Mallory was busy resting on a lawn chair while he turned to the camera.

"Ahhhhh... Nick Mallory loves to rest in the sun." He said while he took his binoculars and looked far away. He set his sights on the Riffin Household while he spoke.

"Now concerning Nick Mallory's first topic, I like to talk about Corey Riffin. He's a pretty cool dude with a band. Not to mention he's got the devil of a sister. What can be more truthful than that?"

The image Nick was seeing was the image of Corey and his bandmates resting their eyes out. Corey and Laney was sleeping on the couch, Kon was sleeping on the bean bag chair and Kin got the worst end of the bunch by sleeping on the cold hard floor.

However, Corey peeked an eye on Kin, who was getting restless from his nap. With a dirty smirk on his face, Corey nearly stood on top of Kin's head.

And then, something unexpected happened.

He squatted down, and...**  
**

...

...

_PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT!_

He blew the butt trumpet right on Kin's face!

"AGGGGGGGH! OH SWEET CORN NUTS, IT BURNS!" Kin screamed while his eyes burned to death. Both Corey, Laney and Kon laughed at his displeasure while he rushed to the bathroom, perhaps to get a thousand eye drops from Corey's buttface gas attack.

But the threesome weren't the only one. Far away, Nick Mallory also got quite the chuckle from Corey's prank.

"Hehe... Nick Mallory thinks fart jokes are funny." He chuckled while finally putting up his binoculars, "After all, Nick Mallory enjoys a little toilet humor now and then. Now if you'll excuse me, Nick Mallory's gonna flush out with a little tan. Catch ya later."

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**Sorry if that looked a little OOC of Corey, but I just had to do it so it can bring the reaction from people.**

**Anyway, what will Nick Mallory talk about next? R&R, everyone!**

***slams the garage door down***


	3. Ch 3: Nick Mallory on Baseball

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

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**Chapter 3: Nick Mallory on Baseball  
**

With a soda in hand, Nick Mallory was sitting in a ballpark alongside a group of rowdy baseball fans. But he wasn't alone. Corey and his band was also there for the fun of it. After all, band practice was taking a toll on them, and they needed a place to go to rest their fingers. Nothing sounded more American than the national pastime known as baseball.

"Nick Mallory loves baseball. It's definitely America's greatest pastime. Nick Mallory also loves the smell of hot dogs, the crunchy taste of peanuts, and the sound of the baseball faithful. Nick digs that." Nick smiled to the camera.

Meanwhile, Kin and Kon looked at each other with dirty smirks on their faces.

"You ready, Kon?" Kin said to his un-relatable twin brother.

"Ready, Kin!" Kon shouted.

While Kin and Kon excitedly got out of their seat, the announcer kept on commentating the action.

_"Looks like Johnson crosses home plate! And the Peaceville Pouncers still lead it up 6-2! Could this team continue their winning streak to 15 wins? So far, no team out there are stopping the Pouncers- WAIT A MINUTE, SOMETHING'S OCCURRING ON THE FIELD! I CAN'T SEE WHAT IT IS! CAMERA, CAN WE GET A CLOSEUP HERE?"_

Luckily, the camera began to close up around home plate, and caught something disturbing.

"WE'RE STREAKING! WE'RE STREAKING!" Kin and Kon shouted in a sing-songy tone.

By their own words, the camera caught the Kujira brothers running and sprinting in the buff while wearing a black ski mask. The rest of the police were trying to catch up to them.

_"I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING HERE, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE SEEING TWO TWEENAGERS GOING COMMANDO. THANK GOODNESS FOR THE CENSORSHIP IN THIS PROGRAM!"_ The announcer shouted in amazement.

_"HOW CAN A FAT NAKED KID RUN SO FAST LIKE THAT? HE'S LIKE A CAUCASIAN USAIN BOLT, EXCEPT THAT HE'S FAT!"_ The other commentator shouted.

_"OUR SECURITY'S TRYING TO CATCH UP TO THEM, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THEIR SPEED'S NOT ENOUGH TO CATCH UP TO THEM! AND THE CROWD'S ON THEIR FEET!"_

All around the entire ballpark, the crowd erupted for Kin and Kon. It was like they didn't care about the ball game anymore. It was now about the display that Kin and Kon were putting on for the fans. While there were some kids being blocked by their own parents, Corey and Laney started busting a gut and applauding. Not even one member of security was stopping this pair of brothers from letting it all out.

After Kin and Kon left the ballpark altogether, the crowd's cheering slowly died down as Nick went back to his seat and proceeded to watch the rest of the ball game while focusing on the camera.

"Of course, the real reason why Nick Mallory comes to baseball games is because he enjoys the chances of seeing someone streak for the fun of it. To Nick Mallory, streaking is the new American pastime." Nick winked.

* * *

**No comment. Somehow, streaking feels wrong. And yet, why does it feel so right? **

**What more Words of Wisdom will come from the mouth of Hunky Nick Mallory next? R&R, everyone!**

***slams the garage door down***


	4. Ch 4: Nick Mallory on Corey & Laney

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

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**Chapter 4: Nick Mallory on Corey & Laney**

Nick Mallory is busy riding his scooter until he gets a nice look at Corey & Laney from their garage.

"Nick Mallory thinks Corey & Laney fit so good together like chocolate and peanut butter." Nick smiled. Thankfully, Corey & Laney didn't know that Nick was there looking at them like some kind of creep, "Nick Mallory also likes to watch couples get romantic. That way it gets a little less creepy."

Inside the garage meanwhile, Corey and Laney were busy tuning up guitars while Kin and Kon went to the Riffin kitchen to make themselves something to eat. Corey looked at Laney and spoke on what was on his mind.

"Hey, Lanes..."

Laney suddenly noticed that Corey was talking to her. With a surprised blush, her thoughts got to her brain.

_"Oh man, is Cor gonna ask me out? I bet this is the part where he's asking me out on a date! Is this coming true?"_**  
**

After her thoughts, Laney spoke out loud to her crush.

"Yeah, Cor?" Laney smiled to him, _"Please ask me out. Please ask me out..."_

"Go make me a sandwich." Corey responded.

How dare he! Why couldn't Corey get a sandwich himself? Basically, Laney grit her teeth with anger. Nobody tells Laney Penn what to do! Secretly, Laney decided to play him just for revenge.

"Well, of course, Cor. I'll be happy to give you one." Laney smiled back before he muttered behind Corey's back, "Lazy bum..."

On the outside, Nick chuckled. He couldn't believe the burn that Corey gave to her.

"Oh man... Nick Mallory knows where this is going..." He snickered.

Back inside the garage, Laney approached Corey with a peanut butter sandwich.

"Okay, Cor..." Laney said sweetly before she raised her voice angrily, "ENJOY YOUR PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH!"

With an ounce of regression, Laney separated the peanut butter covered bread...

...and smashed them between Corey's ears!

"Agh!" Corey yelped, "Lanes, what was that for?"

"You disappoint me, Cor!" Laney shot back.

Corey would've been so shocked and mad that one of his 'friends' would do that to him. All because of one command. Corey finally realized that he was enough of a lazy bum itself. Maybe next time, he should get a sandwich for himself instead of asking for others to get crap for him.

"That's my Lanes. Telling it like it is!" Corey smiled nicely while he laid relaxed with peanut butter stuck to his ears.

Outside, Nick chuckled yet again.

"I tell ya, nothing spells love than peanut butter stuck to your ears. Nick Mallory's feeling hungry. Time to grab some grub, Nick Mallory-style." Nick responded while taking off on his scooter.

* * *

**That's what I call a Corey Sandwich!**

**More 'Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom' coming soon!**


	5. Ch 5: Nick Mallory on Trina Riffin

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Nick Mallory on Trina Riffin  
**

Nick Mallory was in his backyard relaxing in the sun with a beach chair. At the same time, Trina Riffin was climbing up the brown fence, hoping that Nick would notice her this time around. The last time she attempted to talk to Nick, she got her butt handed by a junkyard dog. This time, she was destined to get Nick her attention.

"Nick Mallory's got something on his mind and it's something that's been bothering Nick for a long time." Nick spoke to the camera first-hand, "I'm talking about Trina Riffin."

Meanwhile, while Nick was still talking, Trina managed to stand on Nick's fence, showing incredible balance.

"HUNKY NICK MALLORY, OVER HERE!" Trina frantically shouted, hoping that she would get Nick's attention, "LET ME BE ON YOUR SHOOOOOOOOW!"

Nick wasn't listening to her. He was ignoring her like a fly getting buzzed off by repellant.

"Now Trina may be cute, quirky and a bit odd, but she's a good friend." Nick admitted, "Not to leave out the fact that she can be a bit strange when she's near Nick Mallory."

"DID YOU CALL ME CUTE?" Trina said, lending a hand to her ear. She was so far away from Nick, she could barely hear him.

"I guess the only thing that Nick Mallory likes about Trina is-"

Trina was trying to hear what Nick Mallory was gonna say about her, but it was all cut off due to a bird pecking on the tree.

_*PECK! PECK! PECK! PECK! PECK!*_

Annoyed by the woodpecker, Trina angrily turned to the annoying bird.

"Hey, shut up there, you fartbrain! I wanna hear what Nick has to say about me!" Trina shouted.

Annoyed by her pleading, the woodpecker flipped her off. Okay, that was strange considering that birds only had wings for hands. But his little gesture forced Trina to reach her boiling point!

"Flip me off, huh? I'll teach you a thing a two about flipping me off!" Trina snapped, "Come here, you son of a-!"

Still using her perfect balance, Trina tried to jump and get her hands on the woodpecker herself, but the bird flew away.

Her little botch cost her big as she tumbled backwards. And then all of a sudden...

_*CRASH!*_

Trina's back was laid out over a pile of steel garbage cans. The sound seemed to awoke Nick Mallory from his little slumber.

He would've helped find out what that sound was, but he decided that it was good to let it pass.

"I guess the little cats can't get enough of Nick Mallory's trash. Nick Mallory likes cats. They're like warm burritos when they sit on your lap. Nick Mallory likes them too." Nick smiled as he continued resting on this hot sun.

Unfortunately, Trina was still in pain, hoping to get help from Nick. It was to no avail.

"Hunky Nick Mallory... help..." Trina groaned hurtfully, "Back broken. Need cast... so bad."

Trina's luck could not be worse. The pissed off woodpecker flew on top of Trina's face. With his wings cracking, Trina pleaded to him.

"Uh, nice woodpecker..." Trina said with a nervous smile.

With a hint of rage forming in his face, the woodpecker started pecking Trina's forehead repeatedly!

"OWWWWWWW! OWWWWW! FRICKIN' WOODPECKER! OW!" Trina screamed out painfully while the bird kept kicking Trina's ass for his amusement. Talk about karma.

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**Looks like that's strike two for Trina. Sucks to be her, I guess.  
**

**More chapters coming soon.**


	6. Ch 6: Nick Mallory on The Birds and Bees

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

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**Chapter 6: Nick Mallory on The Birds and The Bees  
**

Nick Mallory is standing next to a chalkboard which said "Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom". The setting is very reminiscent of a high-school classroom.

"Nick Mallory here again. This time, Nick Mallory wants to get very personal with his subjects..." Nick sighed, "For this little topic, Nick Mallory would like to talk about..."

After a small pause, Nick flipped the chalkboard up and revealed the word "Sex" written in big bold white letters.

"...Sex." Nick blared out, "Unfortunately for the older viewers, there may be some kids watching. But knowing that they'll be old enough and heading to mature school, it's not too late for your kids to start learning about the birds and the bees. So Nick Mallory hired Corey Riffin across the street so he'll tell the little viewers at home what the birds and bees look like."

"Thanks, Nick." Corey nodded as he faced the camera, "Okay kids, let me show you how sex works. Just give me a minute..."

Corey started to look under the desk and brought out a Batman and Catwoman action figure.

After that, Corey looked through his pocket and pulled out a condom.

"Don't worry about this little object here." Corey said, holding out the condom in the hand, "I'm not even supposed to use this until I'm old."

Corey started to stretch out the condom and cover what was left of the Batman figure. He then sent the Catwoman figure down and raised the condom-wrapped Batman in the air.

Like a child, Corey started banging the Catwoman action figure with the Batman figure up and down repeatedly.

"You see? Sex is more fun like this!" Corey exclaimed.

However, one bang from the Catwoman action figure flicked the miniature femme fatale off the table. For comedic effect, the horns from Batman's cowl poked out of the condom. Corey's eyes boggled out of his mind when he saw this.

"Oh, crap... it broke, dude..." Corey spoke in awe, "Oh well, that's sex, everybody!"

After a smile and a bow, Corey walked out of the classroom. Feeling a bit speechless, Nick kept his focus.

"Well, that could've been painful enough for Nick Mallory..." Nick said through an awkward sense, "Remember, always learn safe sex when you're old. Just be sure not to wrap the whole entire condom around your body. This is Nick Mallory saying... yikes."**  
**

* * *

**Hard to believe Nick Mallory would talk about something as odd as sex. But it is what it is!**

**More chapters coming soon! ;D**


	7. Ch 7: Nick Mallory on Scooters

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

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**Chapter 7: Nick Mallory on Scooters**

Nick Mallory is seen riding his red scooter like always. After he stops at a stoplight, Nick took the time to look at the camera while paying attention to the road.

"Nick Mallory loves scooters. It's like a bicycle, but I don't have to work my feet over and over again. After all, there's nothing cutting Nick Mallory off from having a nice drive around Peaceville." Nick smiled.

However, someone was behind his tail. By the look of that familiar pink vehicle, Nick Mallory knew who that figure was. Unfortunately, he wasn't even noticing who was driving behind him.

That figure of course, was Trina Riffin. She decided to play stalker like always.

"Nick Mallory, you shall be mine..." Trina smiled evilly, "Once I catch him, I'll finally get the chance to ask him out!"

Trina was driving very slow, hoping that Nick Mallory wouldn't notice her very easily. She was wasting a lot of gas, but it was all gonna be worth it.

What Trina didn't know was the amount of traffic she was causing behind her. Seeing Nick turn left around a block, Trina followed the same. It was almost like a cat-and-mouse chase.

"Okay... just honk at him and he'll see you..." Trina thought as she was about to reach her hand for the horn.

But before she could reach for the horn, somebody honked the horn behind her.

"Hey! Speed it up, pinky!" The driver said behind Trina.

"SHUT UP, TURDBURGULAR! I'M TRYING TO STALK HUNKY NICK MALLORY SO THAT HE CAN BE MY DATE!" Trina shouted angrily to the pissed-off driver.

After her little rant, Trina refocused on Nick. It was a good thing Nick Mallory didn't hear her shout because she would be caught red-handed that easily. The wheels of Trina's vehicle were still rolling gently following Nick's trail.

"Okay... no more interruptions... no more mistakes..." Trina said to herself as she began reaching for the horn again.

As soon as she saw Nick Mallory stop at a nice Frozen Yogurt shop, Trina decided to pull in. But before she can do all of those things...

_***HONK! HONK!***_

The pissed-off driver honked the horn right behind her.

"Hey, are you on dope?! Speed it up, will ya! You're wasting my gas here!"

"KISS MY BUTT! I DON'T SEE YOU HAVING TO STALK A FRICKIN HOT DOG VENDOR!" Trina yelled to the guy behind him, "IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY I DRIVE CRACKHEAD, THEN FOR GOODNESS SAKE, GET OUT OF THE-"

_***CRASH!***_

Trina was suddenly cut off by a disturbing sound. The sound of her favorite pink vehicle being crashed into a steel pole.

Apparently, she ended up losing Nick's trail, which forced her to lose focus on the road thanks to that angry pissed-off driver behind Trina. And it cost her big time, knowing that a screaming match between Trina and the driver did her in.

While Trina hit her forehead with the car horn completely, the police siren showed up behind her. The police officer slowly approached her with a yellow notepad in hand.

"Miss, did you know how slow you were going?" The officer said to Trina while he wrote up the ticket.

"Slow as that guy's death is gonna be when I'm see him..." Trina mumbled, referring to the angry driver.

While an enraged Trina was having trouble with the law, Nick Mallory was still at the frozen yogurt shop, kicking back with a strawberry yogurt.

"Nick Mallory's such a sucker not also for riding in scooters, but he's also got a kick for frozen yogurt." Nick smiled while he felt the taste of fruit in his mouth, "That way the strawberries he's feeling can decrease painful urination. That's the life of Nick Mallory."

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**I can hardly imagine Trina saying those kinds of stuff, but whatever floats her boat.**

**More words of wisdom coming soon.**


	8. Ch 8: Nick Mallory on Mina

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Nick Mallory on Mina**

On a glaring Peaceville morning, Nick Mallory decided to relax in a beach chair shirtless with his abs gleaming. Knowing that Nick was being filmed, he lowered his sunglasses and spoke to the camera.

"There's been somebody that has been infesting Nick Mallory's mind as of late." Nick truthfully replied, "Behind those specs, comes a beauty just waiting to be revealed to the whole world. Nick Mallory prefers girls who are a little bit defenseless. Sometimes, they can look like a nerd on the inside, but Nick Mallory prefers girls who look beautiful on the inside."

Nick Mallory wanted to talk more, but noticed a smudge nearly covering the whole screen. He took some window cleaner liquid and wiped the smudge right off. Now he was free to talk what was on his mind.

"And that girl Nick Mallory's talking about... is Mina." Nick smiled, "Her blue hair is cool. Like me. Her glasses shine as the sky, just like Nick Mallory's smile. So far, she's the real girl of Nick Mallory's dreams."

And then, suddenly out of nowhere, Mina popped up from Nick Mallory's fence and approached Nick, just like a fangirl would do. Feeling a bit excited, Mina decided to sit on Nick Mallory's lap.

"Oh, Nick... I'm so glad you're the only one for me." Mina giggled with a blush, "Not only do we look cute together, but Trina's no longer around! She's such a skanky butthead. I feel so happy."

"Everything's happy when you're with Nick Mallory. Even Nick's getting a stiffy from your warm lap." Nick said to Mina in the most suavest tone possible.

Mina squealed in delight as he approached Nick's face and started to pucker up.

But before that kiss could happen...

...

...

"AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!"

A girl screamed, making the image of Mina and Nick disappear.

Strangely, it was all just a dream in the mind of Trina Riffin, who awoke from her nightmare. She was sweating hardly and her pink hair was messed up in the process. It was from all the tossing and turning she did cringing at every sweet moment between Nick and Mina.

"Oh man, that's not the kind of sweet dream I wanted..." Trina said to herself, shaking the hot sweat off of her.

Out of desperation, Trina grabbed a photo of Nick Mallory standing right by her bedside and held it around her arms, as if she was hugging the pic.

"No one's taking Hunky Nick Mallory away from me..." Trina whispered to the pic, "Anybody who takes Nick away from me gets their head up their butt!"

With her words finalized, Trina spent the entire night, cradling that picture of her crush like a baby.

* * *

**Just so you know, this was a request sent to me by an unknown guest, telling me that Nick should do a topic on Mina. I will only allow it once, okay? BTW, I can't imagine Mina saying 'skanky butthead', but it's my story, and I make it wherever I please.  
**

**Find out what Nick Mallory's next topic will be in the next chap. Until then, I got nothin'.**


	9. Ch 9: Nick Mallory on Shopping Carts

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Nick Mallory on Shopping Carts  
**

Nick Mallory was shown rolling a shopping cart inside the Peaceville Supermarket. Indicating the row of sodas sitting inside his cart, Nick was in the drinks aisle. The cart he was rolling moved smoothly, unlike the crappy carts that always shook when you rolled them.

"Nick Mallory loves shopping carts." He said truthfully, "They roll with the flow and have a cool steely feeling. Just like my smile. But Nick Mallory hates the shaky shopping carts. They look very unattractive and clunky, just like Trina's braces."

Meanwhile, while Nick was searching for more soda, Corey and his band were outside of the supermarket stuffed inside a shopping cart alongside Kin and Kon. Laney was thinking second thoughts about this.

"Corey, I think this is a bad idea." Laney grimly said.

"Lanes, this is gonna be perfect. We can't be trapped in the garage forever, trying to think up decent lyrics." Corey bragged, "Kon told me that the best way to strike inspiration is to run into a bush via a shopping cart!"

"This is stupid, Cor..." Laney muttered, "Haven't you read the disclaimers on shows telling anyone you can't try this at home? Why not use Trina's diary like always?"

"I don't know, Lanes. It's gotten a bit boring nowadays. We gotta start something fresh!" Corey exclaimed in glory.

"I should've stayed home..." Laney muttered lowly to the fact that Corey couldn't hear her.

"Less bragging, more excitement! Push us!" Kin shouted out. He couldn't wait to be rolled down via a shopping cart.

"Push us! Push us! Push us!" Kon chanted over and over again.

Letting out a depressed sigh, Laney managed to roll the shopping cart which had the three rowdy boys stuffed inside.

Laney started to struggle with the cart because of the combined weight, but with the anger she was feeding, she started to pick up speed.

Feeling the excitement, Corey, Kin and Kon decided to yell out something so nonsensical.

_"BANZAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"_

And then, it happened. The shopping cart went to a screeching halt and crashed onto a bush, tipping both the three boys onto the painful pile of grass and thorns. The impact was horrendous and every ounce of skin was being pierced by thorn-covered twigs.

"Owwwwwww..." Corey moaned in pain, "Any inspiration yet, guys?"

"I'm not sure, but I think I'm nearly close to being raped by thorns..." Kin painfully muffled.

"Thorns, rape and shopping carts. That would make excellent lyrics!" Corey exclaimed gleefully, "Lanes, write that down! Lanes?"

Laney didn't respond one bit. Instead, she left them high and dry, deciding not to be a part of their little escapade.

Inside the supermarket, Nick Mallory looked at the mayhem through the market window. Responding with nothing but a 'tsk, tsk, tsk,', he looked right at the camera with disappointment.

"That band never ceases to amaze me." Nick sighed, "Of course, using a shopping cart for amusement can cause higher chances of getting raped by a bush. Just a little life lesson for all Nick Mallory lovers."

* * *

**Seriously, do not even try the shopping cart through a bush thing. It's not worth losing a tailbone.  
**

**I'm very certain Corey wouldn't wanna sing something involving those three things, including rape. Sounds way too OOC, but that would be downright hilarious.**

**More Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom will continue next chapter. Until then, later! (;D)  
**


	10. Ch 10: Nick Mallory on Laney Penn

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Nick Mallory on Laney Penn**

Nick Mallory was seen hanging upside down on a tree, looking at Laney Penn inside Corey's garage. She was killing time reading a magazine, waiting for Corey and the rest of her friends to get back. Knowing that he was being filmed on camera, Nick took his binoculars off and spoke.

"The next topic Nick Mallory wants to cover next is Laney Penn. She's one tough chick and she lets her words do the talking. Nick knows it doesn't make sense, but it's the truth. Let's see how Laney lives up to those words Nick Mallory said."

After he was finished talking, he looked through the binoculars and saw Laney looking at the left.

Of course, it indicated that Corey, Kin and Kon were here. And with the brand new instruments they got at the Peaceville

"Hey, Lanes... can you do me a favor?" Corey said with a deep breath.

Hearing that question, Laney let out a cute blush. She would answer his question, but all she did was nod pleasingly. Her thoughts got to her brain.

_"Please ask me out, Cor... please ask me out...!"_

Corey let out a deep breath and revealed the rest of the question.

"Can you grab me a soda from the cooler?"

Once again, Laney was pissed off. She would have expected Corey to at least ask her out, but how dare he bark orders at her! If Laney had one reason, it was to kick Corey's ass! But she decided to let it pass in secret.

"Sure Corey... I'll get you a soda..." Laney muttered, feigning a bleak smile.

With her silent, yet soon-to-be-unleashed rage, Laney dug onto the cooler, searching for a can of Coke.

For amusement, Laney shook the can of soda up furiously, and shut the cooler. As the rest of the bandmates, minus Laney, were sitting in their usual couch, Laney approached Corey nicely.

"Here you go, Corey..." Laney said, raising her voice angrily, "Enjoy your nice can of coke, ya hobo!"

Laney opened up the soda and splashed it all around Corey in a bullet of fizz! Corey was getting sloshed and slobbered with liquid stickiness. Luckily for the frontman, his orange hat prevented his blue hair from getting wet in the process.

After all the sloshing was done, Corey felt a little wrinkled and was lost for words.

"Lanes? Why on earth did you splash soda onto me?" Corey cried out.

"You disappoint me, Cor... again!" Laney declared, as she sat back on her seat with a magazine in her hand.

Corey would have shot back with something so offensive as a cussword...

...but he couldn't help but smile at Laney's toughness.

"That's how I like my Lanes!" Corey said, relaxing with Cola around his body, "Telling it like it is."

Away from the garage, Nick chuckled nicely, impressed of what Laney did to Corey.

"Nick Mallory has words of advice for those watching at home." Nick suggested to the camera, "Never treat your lady like crap. You may find yourself with cola poured all over you along with your balls looking wrinkly like a old man's ass. Nick Mallory is too young to say 'ass' in this show, but Nick hardly cares nonetheless."

* * *

**Corey will never learn about the needs of girls. So typical.  
**

**What will Nick talk about next? I'm not telling you until next chap. Until then, later. (;D)**


	11. Ch 11: Nick Mallory on Bald People

**Nick Mallory's Words of Wisdom**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grojband. Grojband and its characters are owned by FreshTV.**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Nick Mallory on Bald People  
**

Nick Mallory was seen sitting on top of a tree and feeling the wind blow right through his face. The cameraman on the other hand struggled to get up over the tree, hoping to get a nice shot at Nick Mallory's good looks. Noticing the camera rolling on him, Nick turned to the lens and spoke up.

"Nick Mallory's got a soft spot for people who have bald hair." Nick admitted, "I feel bad for them. Obviously, having hair on your head is very important, because it shows the true beauty in them. For example, take a look at Nick Mallory's hair."

The camera man managed to get a closeup at Nick Mallory's beautiful brown hair. It was short and soft that it made Justin Beiber's hair look 5 years old. If someone felt his hair, it would make perfect cotton instantly. Clearly, it shone like the bright summer wind.

"So far, Nick Mallory's hair is perfect all by itself." Nick said, feeling proud of his scalf, "It's like a soft furry blanket that covers you in your sleep. But for some people, being bald does have it's downs. Take a look why."

With the use of his binoculars, Nick Mallory looked over to the Riffin household...

...

...

...

...only to see a bald Kin run out of the garage, screaming for his life!

"AUGGGGGGGGH! I'M BALD!" Kin painfully screamed, "AND MY EYES BURN!"

In the process, Kon and Corey ran out of the garage to try and help Kin calm himself down. Obviously, that wasn't working.

"Ohhh man... who knew doing the buttface gas attack on Kin would make him bald like that?" Corey cringed.

"Curse us for eating too much fermented cheese!" Kon cringed as well.

There was no way that Nick wanted to be part of a bald Kin's soon-to-be rampage. Good thing he stayed in the backyard where it was personally safe. But maybe it was a good time for Nick Mallory to close the show out immediately while there's still time.

"Poor Kin." Nick sighed, "It goes to show you that even one smell of excrament from a buttface gas attack can make a person's hair die out. And in Nick Mallory's case, that's how bald people turned out like that in the first place."

* * *

**Wow... I never really learned that until now.**

**BTW, more words of wisdom from Nick Mallory coming soon, so peace! (;D)**


End file.
